::byarnor:: :: sec 3 :: seventhdec :: tchs :: band :: m
::wishlist:: :: besson sovereign :: skills
design adapted from
CaLiNe
==>
Friday, May 20, 2005
YES DIE DIE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
kunwon buzzed out @ 10:07 PM
-you have reached the bell- ==>
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Today, I was being a loner at the bus stop again, and after waiting for more than 15 minutes, the bus finally came. So usually, I sit at the back of the bus (giving me a chance to observe everyone, and prevent anyone from surprising me). Furthermore, given my horrible motor skills, it will make sense for me to sit at the back with lots of space and good sleeping parts. So usually, the Bukit Timah area has quite a couple of schools and some people take 154. RI, HCI, NY, MGS, SCGS and ACS barker. So it's like the bus is sometimes populated with students. So today was one of those days, and being a single deck bus, everyone was somewhat cramped up, although there were some spaces left. Digressing for awhile, I do not understand why people want to sit on the top deck if there's space on the bottom deck. It saves you trouble getting UP the bus, and it saves you trouble getting DOWN the bus. Furthermore, the top is shakier and less easy to sleep. Anyway, I was once again sitting at the back (1 seat occupied by me on the extreme right, 1 seat next to me on the left, and 3 ny girls on the 3 remaining seats out of 5). In front of me was a HCI sec 4 senior, and in that same row in front of the backseats, there was another HCI sec 4 senior. They both were sitting next to the window, so leaving 1 seat next to each of them. Furthermore, it happens that those two seats plus the seat next to mine are the only seats left at the back which are not occupied or blocked off (you know how people like to chope seats by sitting at the outside.) So when the bus got to MGS, some girls with with their friends, so it made sense to stand so everyone can talk. However, there was this secondary MGS girl, and eventually she found her way to the back. And faced one of the HCI seniors and stood. DESPITE having a seat in front of her, a seat behind her, and a seat diagonally to her, she did not sit down. Furthermore, she was not very able, and was clearly affected by the shaking bus when it went over bumps. So, I slacked in my seat, and it suddenly struck me, why did she not want to sit next to the HCI boys. IS THERE A GENERAL STEREOTYPE THAT HCI BOYS ARE DIRTY AND SLIME-LIKE, AND THAT SITTING NEXT TO THEM WILL CAUSE RABIES OR OTHER DISEASES. Shouldn't convenience and comfort overrule sitting next to HCI boys? Hm. Giving her the benefit of doubt, maybe she hates sitting next to people (but she's standing next to people -_-), or maybe her legs can't bend enough to sit down. What do you think?
kunwon buzzed out @ 9:20 PM
-you have reached the bell- ==>
Friday, April 15, 2005
I wonder whether there actually is a being controlling the important decisions that are made in our lives.
I have only called to the need of this person twice actually. Once in my PSLE results, and another time in SYF 2005. How interesting. Even if I don't believe he exists, it gives me the solace that we shall get a gold. The day before the SYF, I asked the being to give us a gold, not anything more. And he did. I wasn't too pessimistic nor optimistic. In the end, I didn't know what would happen.
Despite the mispitches, the dryness, the nervousness, the squeakings, the dropping of sticks (-_-) and other certain mishaps (tempo), i'm quite certain our band performed better than ever. Much to the acoustics of the hall, I didn't really mind the mistakes because I had realised they would happen anymore. But since the majority of the piece was okay, I didn't mind.
Then, after the SYF I really could not face our results. Besides the morale, everything else was counting on our results and I was quite worried. Severely worried. Perhaps I thought our performance wasn't good enough. Despite being perfectionist for anything music, I accept the pragmatic point of view that much is too idealistic. Thus I ended up pacing around the entire hall, observing people and listening to the results. I was admiring the guy standing outside the hall. Throughout the results, he was standing next to the loudspeaker, telling his friend all the results slowly as they were announced. I was pretty amused, but that was the fastest way of getting results. By the time it reached 115, (we were 119), I decided very much to go out. And so I did on the second floor above the carpark. And then, I sought solace again in the "being". This time I saw the sky. It was pretty blue. Pretty blue. I admired it, and decided it was very nice.
After that, I went in, and naturally my trust in the "being" was nothing, and so far in 2 occasions, what I have asked for came through. Of course, I could not describe my feelings. They were not happy. I was just contented that the band had finally gotten a gold. But nothing had changed. Everyone improved from this experience, and I really hold my hat to the conductors who have to be tormented by us. Very much, I went back quietly, trying to understand the meaning of our results. Finally after much pondering, I realised it did not really matter. In the first place, I asked for a gold, not for a gold with honours. Yes, perhaps I could have aimed higher, but it is my character. My faith is strong, even though it is imaginary. Furthermore, the results don't even matter. After the entire thing, I was sitting in the band room, and I realised our band still needs a lot of work. We could have done so much better. But even besides the results and my perfectionist nature (which unfortunately happens in nothing except music critic and appreciation), i was still quite displeased. Then I realised something. We succeeded, but this is nothing. The competition does not matter. To me I still have a long way to go before I become pleased with myself over my playing. The competition is just a small stone on a 10000km walk towards my success story. The band itself will aim for even greater goals later in the year.
Apart from all that, I found myself quite stoning, because I did not know what to feel, and I am quite lonely most of the time (not that it is a bad thing, I have adapted to it).
Despite all these feelings, at least something counts. We made music for an audience, which appreciated our music. To all that came and watched us perform, I thank you very very very much.
kunwon buzzed out @ 7:57 PM
-you have reached the bell- ==>
Wednesday, April 13, 2005
SYF EUPHO POWER
kunwon buzzed out @ 9:36 PM
-you have reached the bell- ==>
Saturday, April 02, 2005
Balance problemsss. Oh well, at least everyone has learnt something from this SYF. I feel that everyone that has been through and stuck with the band thus far has improved so much in skill. Just look at Terence for your classic example. He's become so brilliant, everyone should bow down to him.
Maybe, we'll get a gold. Maybe. If everything doesn't go wrong. I shall not believe in Murphy's law, and hope that everything will go right. zzz. So be it. At the end of the day, I just hope no one is disappointed or sad, because we have managed to learn a lot from this experience.
kunwon buzzed out @ 10:58 PM
-you have reached the bell- ==>
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
we're doomed.
kunwon buzzed out @ 9:26 PM
-you have reached the bell- ==>
Sunday, March 27, 2005
I am inately disgusted by the fact that the SYF is in 18 days and we are not confident of getting anything. Furthermore, I think our chances are quite slim. How nice. I am further saddened by the prospect of outdoor next year. I think I will quit band and join VE if this continues. However, while I am still here at band, I am hoping that things do not take a nasty turn, and while salvaging my schoolwork and living out a pretty miserable life, despite the fact that it is not really hard (I am just too lazy to use my brain in the house), I wish that there will still be some social solace from all this nonsense. Besides, I won't commit suicide that easily. So while i'm still falling into the danger zone, I shall sincerely ask for support from people around me to understand my gradual process of shitification, and help me when I'm most in need. Thank you in advance.
kunwon buzzed out @ 5:21 PM
-you have reached the bell-
YES DIE DIE DIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEe
-you have reached the bell-
Today, I was being a loner at the bus stop again, and after waiting for more than 15 minutes, the bus finally came. So usually, I sit at the back of the bus (giving me a chance to observe everyone, and prevent anyone from surprising me). Furthermore, given my horrible motor skills, it will make sense for me to sit at the back with lots of space and good sleeping parts. So usually, the Bukit Timah area has quite a couple of schools and some people take 154. RI, HCI, NY, MGS, SCGS and ACS barker. So it's like the bus is sometimes populated with students. So today was one of those days, and being a single deck bus, everyone was somewhat cramped up, although there were some spaces left. Digressing for awhile, I do not understand why people want to sit on the top deck if there's space on the bottom deck. It saves you trouble getting UP the bus, and it saves you trouble getting DOWN the bus. Furthermore, the top is shakier and less easy to sleep. Anyway, I was once again sitting at the back (1 seat occupied by me on the extreme right, 1 seat next to me on the left, and 3 ny girls on the 3 remaining seats out of 5). In front of me was a HCI sec 4 senior, and in that same row in front of the backseats, there was another HCI sec 4 senior. They both were sitting next to the window, so leaving 1 seat next to each of them. Furthermore, it happens that those two seats plus the seat next to mine are the only seats left at the back which are not occupied or blocked off (you know how people like to chope seats by sitting at the outside.) So when the bus got to MGS, some girls with with their friends, so it made sense to stand so everyone can talk. However, there was this secondary MGS girl, and eventually she found her way to the back. And faced one of the HCI seniors and stood. DESPITE having a seat in front of her, a seat behind her, and a seat diagonally to her, she did not sit down. Furthermore, she was not very able, and was clearly affected by the shaking bus when it went over bumps. So, I slacked in my seat, and it suddenly struck me, why did she not want to sit next to the HCI boys. IS THERE A GENERAL STEREOTYPE THAT HCI BOYS ARE DIRTY AND SLIME-LIKE, AND THAT SITTING NEXT TO THEM WILL CAUSE RABIES OR OTHER DISEASES. Shouldn't convenience and comfort overrule sitting next to HCI boys? Hm. Giving her the benefit of doubt, maybe she hates sitting next to people (but she's standing next to people -_-), or maybe her legs can't bend enough to sit down. What do you think?
-you have reached the bell-
I wonder whether there actually is a being controlling the important decisions that are made in our lives.
I have only called to the need of this person twice actually. Once in my PSLE results, and another time in SYF 2005. How interesting. Even if I don't believe he exists, it gives me the solace that we shall get a gold. The day before the SYF, I asked the being to give us a gold, not anything more. And he did. I wasn't too pessimistic nor optimistic. In the end, I didn't know what would happen.
Despite the mispitches, the dryness, the nervousness, the squeakings, the dropping of sticks (-_-) and other certain mishaps (tempo), i'm quite certain our band performed better than ever. Much to the acoustics of the hall, I didn't really mind the mistakes because I had realised they would happen anymore. But since the majority of the piece was okay, I didn't mind.
Then, after the SYF I really could not face our results. Besides the morale, everything else was counting on our results and I was quite worried. Severely worried. Perhaps I thought our performance wasn't good enough. Despite being perfectionist for anything music, I accept the pragmatic point of view that much is too idealistic. Thus I ended up pacing around the entire hall, observing people and listening to the results. I was admiring the guy standing outside the hall. Throughout the results, he was standing next to the loudspeaker, telling his friend all the results slowly as they were announced. I was pretty amused, but that was the fastest way of getting results. By the time it reached 115, (we were 119), I decided very much to go out. And so I did on the second floor above the carpark. And then, I sought solace again in the "being". This time I saw the sky. It was pretty blue. Pretty blue. I admired it, and decided it was very nice.
After that, I went in, and naturally my trust in the "being" was nothing, and so far in 2 occasions, what I have asked for came through. Of course, I could not describe my feelings. They were not happy. I was just contented that the band had finally gotten a gold. But nothing had changed. Everyone improved from this experience, and I really hold my hat to the conductors who have to be tormented by us. Very much, I went back quietly, trying to understand the meaning of our results. Finally after much pondering, I realised it did not really matter. In the first place, I asked for a gold, not for a gold with honours. Yes, perhaps I could have aimed higher, but it is my character. My faith is strong, even though it is imaginary. Furthermore, the results don't even matter. After the entire thing, I was sitting in the band room, and I realised our band still needs a lot of work. We could have done so much better. But even besides the results and my perfectionist nature (which unfortunately happens in nothing except music critic and appreciation), i was still quite displeased. Then I realised something. We succeeded, but this is nothing. The competition does not matter. To me I still have a long way to go before I become pleased with myself over my playing. The competition is just a small stone on a 10000km walk towards my success story. The band itself will aim for even greater goals later in the year.
Apart from all that, I found myself quite stoning, because I did not know what to feel, and I am quite lonely most of the time (not that it is a bad thing, I have adapted to it).
Despite all these feelings, at least something counts. We made music for an audience, which appreciated our music. To all that came and watched us perform, I thank you very very very much.
-you have reached the bell-
SYF EUPHO POWER
-you have reached the bell-
Balance problemsss. Oh well, at least everyone has learnt something from this SYF. I feel that everyone that has been through and stuck with the band thus far has improved so much in skill. Just look at Terence for your classic example. He's become so brilliant, everyone should bow down to him.
Maybe, we'll get a gold. Maybe. If everything doesn't go wrong. I shall not believe in Murphy's law, and hope that everything will go right. zzz. So be it. At the end of the day, I just hope no one is disappointed or sad, because we have managed to learn a lot from this experience.
-you have reached the bell-
we're doomed.
-you have reached the bell-
I am inately disgusted by the fact that the SYF is in 18 days and we are not confident of getting anything. Furthermore, I think our chances are quite slim. How nice. I am further saddened by the prospect of outdoor next year. I think I will quit band and join VE if this continues. However, while I am still here at band, I am hoping that things do not take a nasty turn, and while salvaging my schoolwork and living out a pretty miserable life, despite the fact that it is not really hard (I am just too lazy to use my brain in the house), I wish that there will still be some social solace from all this nonsense. Besides, I won't commit suicide that easily. So while i'm still falling into the danger zone, I shall sincerely ask for support from people around me to understand my gradual process of shitification, and help me when I'm most in need. Thank you in advance.
-you have reached the bell-
::about::
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[archives]
- February 2005
- March 2005
- April 2005
- May 2005
adapted from: CaLiNe